Today we are going to talk about why we struggle with sexual initiation and talk about the very important topic of sexual initiation and why it can be difficult for people to initiate sex with someone and initiate intimacy.

We are also going to talk about what is the fear of initiating sexual intimacy and what are all the important factors that might lead to people not having proper confidence or communication skills to initiate sex. 

This is actually a very nuanced topic that deals with a lot of things such as anxiety as well as other external factors such as social expectations and much more.  

We are going to explore the fear of rejection and body image issues and also the entire topic of sex initiation. Before we do that let us understand what is sex initiation. 


Sex initiation is basically when someone initiates sexual activity with another person or their partner and this is when they can try different techniques such as making a move.

For example, perhaps you are in a bar and you find someone very attractive and then you offer them a drink as a means of starting a talk which can ultimately lead to sex so that would be called sexual initiation.

Or for example, you are watching Netflix with your partner at home and you feel like initiating physical intimacy with your partner. 

It is expressing physical attraction for someone and utilising your sexual identity in an attractive way to approach someone.  

It can be different from something like an emotional connection because to initiate sex you do not necessarily need an emotional connection or a relationship. 

In order to initiate sex properly you need to seem confident and express yourself in a way that shows trust and attraction whether it is with someone you met at a party or your partner. 

Now that we know what is initiating sex, let us understand why people struggle with initiating sex and how to fix it. 



One of the primary reasons why people do not try to initiate sexual activity is because they fear they might get rejected by the person whom they find attractive.

There might be some truth to the matter and there might be experiences from the past that leads a person to believe that they might be rejected or turned down. 

That is why people might lower their expectations and become very self-aware and have very low self-esteem when it comes to initiating sex with someone.

This might be the case if you are trying to initiate sex with someone new or even your partner. 

The only solution to this problem may be a reality check and you need to find out if you need to change some things about yourself. 

You can change your fitness levels but you cannot change your height and you can change your hairstyle but you cannot change the shape of how you look like. Try changing the things in your control. 

Try experimenting with different hairstyles and try experimenting with clothes that make you feel comfortable. If you are comfortable with yourself then others will be comfortable with you. 

You can also try public speaking and other confidence-building activities and you can also try more communication with people. 

Try establishing better communication with your partner and try being better at communication. 


One of the other important reasons why people might find it hard to initiate sex with someone and especially their partner is because of a lack of communication.

Communication will help you understand your partner’s needs and effective communication will help you express your needs to your partner.

If you cannot establish effective communication and if you struggle with communication then you might never be able to understand your partner’s needs or even express your needs in a meaningful way.

This will give rise to things like misunderstandings and it will make you frustrated and that is why you need to overcome this you need to be able to communicate better with your partner.

If you improve communication with your partner it will not only help you initiate sex but more importantly it will be very healthy for your relationship. 


Perhaps it is true that only expectations lead to disappointment and we are not just talking of expectations we are talking of unclear expectations.

Perhaps you have a very good sex drive and perhaps your partner does not have a very good sex drive but if you have unclear expectations or rather expectations of a lot of sex then that is not happening.

You must be clear with your expectations and you must understand your expectations and sometimes you must tone down your expectations to the level of your partner so that you can initiate sexual activity.

This is also the case with someone you just met at a party, perhaps you might be very horny but the person you just met might not be as horny as you and, in that situation, you might feel disappointed.

That is why it is very important to understand expectations and we are not just talking about your expectations but the expectations of your partner with whom you want to have sex. 


Perhaps you are someone who is from a very conservative culture and society where sex might be a topic of taboo and there might be different unwritten rules to sexual initiation.

Perhaps your society does not tolerate or does not like the idea of sex before marriage and in that case if you try sexual initiation you are definitely going to get rejected or you might face problems with your community.

Perhaps your society does not like sexual positivity that much and does not like to be very open about sex and so if you try to initiate sex in an area where they do not encourage it then again you might not be able to initiate it.

That is why you must keep in mind the cultural expectations of your society so that you do not hurt anyone’s sentiments with your activities. 

Other things might prevent sexual initiation and it might be things like past trauma or it might even be due to some physical disability. 

If you want to know a lot more about this topic then there are excellent blogs out there that even talk about important questions like why is initiating sex still so difficult for women or men etc. 

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